Nature is a crazy thing. It tears and claws at your self-reflection until it surfaces you into its own image. Nature (or God, Allah or whatever your faith) is not forgiving but in every second increasingly stubborn. Sometimes it seems too unfair to have to play out the script written for you.
In October of 2010, I found I had a polinitial cyst in my tailbone area, which I was told wasn’t harmful and hasn’t been at all. But what has ensued has been almost 2 years of rehabbing a constantly open wound that doesn’t heal. The struggle teaches you certain things, most importantly, to stand up straight. When I lost my pride in temporary hopelessness, it was because I was seeing people do things I wish I could. Staying at home because I was advised to take life easy. You lose motivation, too, because at this point in my life I should be sniffing out my career, finding an internship or learning things at school instead of taking a semester off. I was supposed to be experiencing life with an abandon before responsibility shows up after graduation. I was never supposed to look back.
It’s amazing how spilled milk looks better on the floor.
When you have time to yourself, and the love of your family, you look inside your pain after a while to find the source. I started feeling enthusiastic about learning new things like computer science, helping my brother with his business, and getting a door in the stock market. I light fires again by getting back into photography, writing, and being with my family. We are together again, and I feel new.
So even though I’ll probably go back to my surgeon tomorrow and he’ll tell me I need another surgery, I get that’s life. I haven’t gotten what I want, which is to be back to normal. But it just means I want something else for now. All I ask, is to stay strong.